Of Crosses and Tees. The Things I Do to Myself.
I have some odd confessing to do today. Don’t worry. It’s not like I murdered or hurt anyone. There exist some ironies in my character and life that I feel the need to air with my readers. Ironies that I am going to have a bit of difficulty explaining. But explain I must, especially to you people, my partners in free-thought. Usually, I try to fess up to all my errors in a sincere effort not to commit them again. Thus far, I’ve not noticed much of a decrease, but I’ll let you know how well it works later.
Years ago, my wife wanted me to make a trellis to put on the side of the house. Having suffered through dozens of home and remodeling projects, my wife and I, mostly I, have found it best to work separately. Not that I don’t love her dearly and not like she isn’t brilliant in her areas of expertise. Simply put, we are both stubborn and opinionated, and such married people do not make the best of work mates particularly on remodeling projects. Thus I agreed but only under the stipulation that I would pick the design without interference. She agreed however reluctantly… very reluctantly.
Now this is the hard part for me to admit. I want to explain myself truthfully, but that would involve actually understanding my reasons and motivations myself. Alas, I do not. Sigh. Believe it or not, the design I liked the best was in the shape of a cross. Yeah. Yeah, I know! I know! Now please remember, at this point I had been a firm atheist for at least fifteen years. So why did a cross look good to me you ask? Damned if I know, but I’ll give you my best theory as to what makes me… Well me. If it seems as if I’m just blowing smoke up your ass, well… that is also a possibility. Sorry. I have the best intentions.
Here goes. As many people are aware, I am what is commonly referred to as a stubborn bastard, but not many know how stubborn. Even I underestimate myself at times — a source of never-ending trouble I assure you. I’m sure many layers were part of my choice of design, but a large reason was simply the consternation and confusion it would throw into all those who knew me well. I admit that I am so contrary that the very idea that people thought I shouldn’t or wouldn’t have it on my house actually enticed me to put it there. It became a sort of flipping the bird to convention. Not any convention that the majority would foist upon me but any that anyone would expect of me. Not only do I not allow the opinions of Christians to sway me, even the opinions of other freethinkers makes me all oppositional. You’ve heard of the expression “herding cats”? Well, with me it’s more like herding rabid cats. Sigh! Trust me! It’s not easy to be me, but for the love of Darwin, think of my long-suffering wife. If anyone deserves sainthood, it’d be her.
So I built a trellis cross and screwed it to the front of my house — a twelve-foot high trellis cross! And true to form, a part of me did relish in the confusion I sewed in my wake, but honestly, part of me also liked the design, the three dimensionality of it, the way it changes as you move by it. My bast
Anyway, here it is. Witness my hypocrisy — a product of my oppositional nature combined with esthetic principles.
Before
As of yesterday, this cross has been a part of my dwelling for the last six years. Yeah. Yeah. Just wait, the irony is only beginning because since then I have had more than a hundred people stop and compliment me on my design, all Christians of course. Soon, several talked me into building them one too, and over the course of the next two years, I built about thirty trellises mostly in the cross shape for people around town.
Yeah, here is a rabid atheist building the very symbol of all he rejects for Christians all over town. Why you ask? Um… Perhaps, it’s because I simply have a hard time telling people no. Perhaps, I was also flattered by the requests. Whatever the reason, now my crosses are all around town and adorn at least two churches. I can hardly walk around without running into large solid signs of my hypocrisy. Talk about being conflicted. Half of me was proud of the work I’d done. Half of me was uncomfortable promoting a belief system I had no faith in and even actively opposed.
I stopped building them about three years ago as I became aware of the increasing hatred spread by this symbol, the virulent attacks on homosexuals, the desperately religious search for any rationale for war and the viciousness with which they have lied to further their causes. Any quick reading of the World Net Daily web site can confirm all three of these in under an hour. The definition of fundamental Christianity: spreading lies and hate in the name of Jesus. I’m not saying that Christians haven’t always been like this. I’ve just become more aware of it. (But it is getting worse.)
Naturally, the more I’ve entered my militant atheist phase, the more uncomfortable I’ve become with the sign of the enemy — religion — on my house. Eventually, I knew it had to go. Therefore, I went out with a saw yesterday and carefully modified it thus:
After. Better, no?
Now, instead of a cross on my house, I have a tee. I am continually thinking of the sign of the T from Huxley’s Brave New World, and for your information this’d be the Year of our Ford 102 by my reckoning.
I’m just preparing for the rash of questions I’m going to get as to why I defaced the symbol of God’s love. All those people who assumed one way are going to have to be educated in another. We’ll call this my coming out to the town event. At any rate, I have reduced the confusion and hypocrisy in my life and it feels good. For a while, anyway. A friend of mine wants me to audition for a play at a secular theater based on C. S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters next month. Admit it, it would be fun playing a demon trying to lead humanity from religion. I’ll think about it. Sigh!
There’s a certain delicious irony in all this, but damn, the shit I get myself into.
P.S. I do have another story to tell here. I stopped making these crosses years ago but still had one stored in my backyard. We were always going to modify it to use it elsewhere but I couldn’t get it to esthetically fit where I needed it. While I was working in the Garden this summer, a couple in a van stopped and asked if I could make them one. They had been admiring mine for the last year. I told them I didn’t do that anymore but then remembered that extra trellis using up precious space in our yard. I offered it to them. Now normally I usually charged only slightly more than it cost me to make them, but in this case I offered it for free. They were very appreciative and I loaded and tied it to the top of their van.
Then they told me of their small evangelical church they had started and invited me to come out for services. I looked them right in the eye and told them thanks, but I wasn’t a believer. Things got very quiet then. The minister — for that is what he was — then asked me what I meant and I told them matter-of-factly that I was an atheist. The silence became total. Think about their predicament. Here they were receiving a 12 foot high symbol of their religion free of charge from a man who just claimed he didn’t buy into it at all. For a period of time, I think he actually considered giving it back. But I wished them the best, gave them mounting instructions and went back to shoveling in my garden.
I would like to say that I was a big enough person not to enjoy that… But no. My brain — dominated by primate population dynamics — simply was too primitive to resist smiling. Inwardly, at least.
I laughed. Loudly. The cat woke up and jumped off my lap, knocking my fresh, hot coffee all over an area I’m sure you don’t want described. As a small repayment, I’ll just observe that you seem to have joined the t-party.
*runs away, giggling manically*
Actually, symbolism aside, I quite like the design of your ex-cross. I’d think lengthening the top part so that the horizontal arm was central would have worked. A cross rather than a crucifix, if you get what I mean. Or the tasteful addition of a few JWs swinging by their heels from the horizontal, but that might cause talk…
Sorry about the crotch scald. Tee party. Damn, I should have thought of that. That’d have been perfect.
Great. Now, I’ve replaced one symbol that I don’t believe in with another I just as firmly repudiate. Like I said — the shit I get myself into.
We went back and forth about how to alter the 12 foot monstrosity. I finally settled on the current design because it would take about 20 minutes as opposed to 4 hours. It’s surprising how much sheer apathy and sloth dictate the choices in our lives.
Maybe, I’ll make a giant A next summer.
“The t-party”? Absolutely dreadful, Daz. Simply awful (highest of compliments to a punster:))
Dear Bundy,
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. I wouldn’t worry about it. In the first place, it isn’t a crucifix unless there’s an image of Yeshua nailed to it. In the second place, the cross is a symbol far older than the Christian faith. In esoteric terms, the cross represents the intersection of time and space with space represented by the four arms of the cross, whether of equal length or with the more usual long lower arm. The dimension of time enters the picture with the image of a rose blooming at the crossing point of the vertical and the horizontal. The rose, in the Rosicrucian symbolism is for life flourishing on the cross of space and time. And crosses have been representing these basic ideas since long before the Christianoids came along, in the same way that the swastika was a mystic symbol for thousands of years before the Nazis profaned it to represent their insane philosophy. The Egyptians had a cross with a loop at the top, which resembled the astrological sign for the planet Venus. And the swastika goes back no one really knows how far as a symbol of the four directions and the zenith at the center. I believe there are records that it was used as far back as the cave dwellers of Europe during the last ice age, perhaps even farther.
Never forget, a symbol means whatever the user intends it to mean, there is a congruence of meaning but no “official” interpretation of any sign or symbol. The meaning, like beauty, is entirely added by the viewer; it is not intrinsic to the sign. Use it as you will, to mean what you will and either explain what it means to you should anyone ask or simply dodge the question. You are under no obligation to satisfy anyone’s idol curiosity.(Pun definitely intended.)
With love under will,
Bob, Adastra,
The Wizzard of Jacksonville
“Idol curiosity”? Aaaah! A proliferation of punning–it’s spreading!
“A proliferation of punning”
At least Bob and I didn’t descend to alliteration…
A jabber of jests. A compendium of corniness. Oh dear.
I have a weird one for you. If I have to go to a church/temple/mosque for any reason, I wear the pentacle from my pagan days. More to be obstinate than anything else.
There’s no atheist symbol (that I’m aware of) that everyone would recognize, but they damned well know what that one means. I’ve seen wide eyes, heard whispering, but never in the last ten years has anyone ever said a word about it.
It’s a little childish (okay maybe a lot childish), but it’s a sort of quiet protest to being forced to take part in the festivities.
If you add a bit to the top of the T and add another horizontal crossbar, you’d have the symbol for the American Lung Association. Grow some red roses on it to get the color right. They are, as far as I can tell, a purely secular organization and everyone likes to breathe, right?
I do hope you audition for the play; that sounds like a blast! You’d make an awesome demon.
You are quite the handyman, KK:)) I understand why you made the cross shape to begin with: it’s aesthetically pleasing and it fits the space well. And if you draw two diagonals, one from the top point the the far left point of the crossbar, and one from the far right point of the cross bar, those visual diagonals mirror the diagonals of the roof. Very nice–very pleasing to the eye:))
Actually, I liked Bob’s solution above–just pick one of the other zillion symbolic meanings for that shape and say that’s what it is, and just keep the lovely piece the way you originally made it. The solution you came up with works, too, though.
And, KK, giving the extra trellis to the preacher and his wife, free of charge, is I think *the* best way atheists and non-believers can break down stereotypes. Well done–and great story!
Oh–I meant to ask, what do you have growing on that lovely trellis?
We had a lovely Clematis growing on it for years but had a severe winter kill last year that took both Clematis in the front yard. We replaced them this spring but they are slow to get started. I wish I’d have taken more pictures in the summer when everything was in full bloom. My wife is brilliant with plants.
Ooooh–love Clematis:)) Funny–that’s just what I thought should go on that lovely trellis… Clematis, or a good climbing rose…
I think it’s deliciously funny irony that you are giving away crosses to christians.
If you hadn’t already chopped the head off your home wall cross I would have suggested turning it upside-down for even more fun.
That was brought up , but I’m pretty sure my house would have burned down with in the week. Perhaps even with us inside. I took a firm but safe road.
Just out of curiosity, did you ever go by the young couples’ church and see if they actually used the trellis?
I suspect they didn’t. Hope I’m wrong.
Second that question–and if you didn’t , do you remember where it is to do a drive-by?:-)) (aren’t we dreadful…)
I third the question. Enquiring minds need to know!
Truth is I don’t know. I will have to drive out there and check this weekend. I didn’t take his card so I’m not sure the address, but it’s the neighboring town and small. It should be easy enough to find.
Now y’all have me a bit inquisitive. I have a mission.
I’ll update you.
I LOL’d. The layers of irony were so delicious.
I’d say the pastor you gave the last cross to was struggling with cognitive dissonance to the max. Here you are, an atheist, doing something nice and generous? Does.Not.Compute.