Exorcist Needed, Apply Within!
WTF!! This wasn't in the training seminar!
My local newspaper, the Bismarck Tribune, printed an AP article with the arousing title : “Catholic Bishops: More Exorcists Needed.” Yeah. OK. But after a little more thought I realized a few other critical institutions they have let slip in the modern era, inquisitors, for instance. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find some who knows his way around an iron maiden any more, who is an artist with people on the rack, who deeply understands all the ins and outs of the red-hot poker. (Think about that one for a sec!) Not to mention the stake! Almost no one today has the technical expertise to arrange and light a good heretic bonfire. What is the world coming to? Are our young people so lazy that they refuse to learn our ancient time-honored skills? Admit it, people, the Catholic Church has fallen far from the glory it once was. Truly, it has.
But no longer. It has begun the long struggle to regain its dominant position in the spiritual world, and increasing the numbers of exorcists it trains is, apparently, the key. Yessiree Bob! The Catholics have found the path to salvation once again. Emperor Palpatine… I mean Pope Benedict has seen the way, and the way forward is to go back. Way back. Nope further. A few more centuries. There! That’s where we need to be! The age when the Catholic Church ruled the world. Do you know what we called that time? The dark ages. Really! Look it up.
Cardinal Daniel DiNardo, a great supporter of the rite, had this rather brilliant take on the real difficulties involved.
“Learning the liturgical rite is not difficult,” DiNardo said in a phone interview before the conference, which is open to clergy only. “The problem is the discernment that the exorcist needs before he would ever attempt the rite.”
C’mon people, that’d be the easy part. No one! Discerning which people are either angry, insane or possessed isn’t as hard as people make it up to be. As not a shred of evidence exists in support of the demon theory of mental illness, I believe we are going to have to place that one on the back burner. Hell, I think we ought to take it off the stove altogether. We have already trashed the demon theory of disease which, along with bad vapors and too much blood, ruled the medical world for millennia. So I believe it’s time for any demonic explanations of events to be shelved indefinitely. It’s the twenty-first century people, for a lack-of-Christ’s-sake. Try to keep up.
I also love this Quote from the article.
In 1999, the church updated the Rite of Exorcism, cautioning that “all must be done to avoid the perception that exorcism is magic or superstition.”
Yeah, I can see how they were worried. I mean standing over mentally ill people with magic sticks and symbols, chanting fealty to an invisible sky bully while saying you’re casting out nonexistent Demons could certainly been seen in the wrong light. One could almost get the idea that it really is all just superstition. Yes sir…
Hey wait… Damn!
Damnit, I’m going to have the Exorcist theme running round my head all evening now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZcCxRDtTyM There ya go! I hate to be alone in these things. How does one train to be an exorcist though? Do they start you off on lesser-demons? The sock-stealing demon maybe. Maybe they have graded promotion. You could work up through car-key hiding demons, paedophilia demons (ahem), and so forth until you’re ready for the Big S himself.
My favourite sign from the anti-Pope demo the other week: “Fuck off back to the 14th century”. Somehow it seems even more right now.
Oh, Daz, that made me laugh. Sounds like the premise of a Pratchett novel.
I loved the big gay kiss in. Such a marked contrast to the hatefulness spewing from the church.
Also, damn you for bringing the Exorcist music up. -fistshake-
Back OT,
all must be done to avoid the perception that exorcism is magic or superstition.
I just stared at that a minute. Really? They really went out on that limb?
Sometimes, reading this stuff, I feel like I’m on a episode of Punk’d. And then it’s like, no, they really are this delusional, it’s not an act. And then I want a good, stiff drink.
‘In 1999, the church updated the Rite of Exorcism, cautioning that “all must be done to avoid the perception that exorcism is magic or superstition.” ‘
Me, too, Alice–I had to re-read that three times at least. “Hey, you guys–you said that out loud!” I can hardly believe they’d actually allow that to be printed… Do you mind if I join you in that stiff drink?:-))
Daz–I’m not even going to listen to that, because I’d never get it out of my head. Also, I’m in the middle of watching War and Peace:))
Wow, KK–you get good stuff in your newspaper:))
“Fuck off back to the 14th century”.
and
“I feel like I’m on a episode of Punk’d.”
LOL!! I am so going to use these.
Dang it! I wish I’d found this a week ago! Oh well–it’s to do with the Exorcist. And crochet. Have a look:
Ami-gore Exorcist
Enjoy…
)
Damn, amy that is a bit weird, kind of cute and disgusting all at once.
I need to get involved(exorcism) out there, as I have it enormously. By the powers I possess, I can silence violent communities.How do I get out there, no one believe. We know,according to Ephesians 6:12, in the event of communal disturances,it is demonic action that is creating these disturbances. I need some assignments, challenges, internationally.Give me your advice.
Marvin.
“Give me your advice.”
Sure. Here ya go…