Moses, Aaron And The Great Golden Calf Caper; Liars, Fukwits And Divine Blowup Dolls

Here we are at the not-so-happy end of what shall be known as the Golden Calf Affair so let’s sum up the story so far.  Moses is gone for forty days making up God’s rules, but the people get all God-horny in his absence so Aaron creates a perfectly acceptable substitute out of some cheap baubles, a sort of inflatable doll of a god, much like the other one.  Everyone is joyous… Except Yahweh, of course.  He is set to kill everyone for this sleight to his dignity but is persuaded by Moses to change his mind and will now proceed to merely hold a grudge against the people he adores above all others.  Yep, that’s about it, the entire plot with all its contradictory absurdities intact, the whole enchilada, one big steaming pile of sacred cow shit… But now with raisins!

So Moses, peeved that his people have turned from the one true Lord Genocide, charges down the hill stone tablets under his arm.  He is determined to set things right which means, of course, to get himself back into power ASAP.  As he approaches camp his servant hears the sounds of battle but Moses corrects him.  ”It is not the sound of the cry of triumph, Nor is it the sound of the cry of defeat; But the sound of singing I hear.”  The people are partying down getting to know their new god who is obviously a bit more fun than the old one.  Yahweh was always a bit of a downer at the keg.   But a grand party it was right up until Moses charges in, throws the Ten Commandments at their feet and rages around the camp.  He grinds the golden calf to dust, sprinkles the dust into water and then forces everyone to drink.  Party’s over! Dad’s home.

Aaron being the whiny little shit he is tries to wheedle his way out of the blame.  “Do not let the anger of my lord burn; you know the people yourself, that they are prone to evil.  ”For they said to me, ‘Make a god for us who will go before us; for this Moses, the man who brought us up from the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.”I said to them, ‘Whoever has any gold, let them tear it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”

Yeah! Sure it did.  Walked right out!  Personally, I think this was a power play of Aaron’s. He was the closest witness to how Moses created a god and coaxed everyone into belief and subordination.  Aaron was well aware of the power that could be gained by simple but crafty manipulations of human emotion so I think that this was Aaron’s attempted coup, but the truth is apparent that Aaron even with Moses’ deceitful example before him simply wasn’t clever enough to pull this off.  The Great Golden Calf Affair was the attempted overthrow of a liar by a fukwit, but like rocks versus scissors, liars will beat fukwits any day. If only the fukwits could learn that immutable fact the world would be a calmer albeit duller place.

But Exodus 32/25-29 is the most interesting part.  Read this quite carefully.  In fact, go back and read the entirety of chapter 32.  The chapter tells much about the nature of religion and God in society.

 Now when Moses saw that the people were out of control–for Aaron had let them get out of control to be a derision among their enemies–then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, “Whoever is for the Lord, come to me!” And all the sons of Levi gathered together to him.  He said to them, “Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘Every man of you put his sword upon his thigh, and go back and forth from gate to gate in the camp, and kill every man his brother, and every man his friend, and every man his neighbor.’”  So the sons of Levi did as Moses instructed, and about three thousand men of the people fell that day.  Then Moses said, “Dedicate yourselves today to the Lord–for every man has been against his son and against his brother–in order that He may bestow a blessing upon you today.”

Aaron had lost control of the people.  They were not out of control as in running around like a bunch of psychopaths but were out of Moses’ control. Aaron in his bid for power had screwed up Moses’ well honed and terrified machine.  The people were now off thinking for themselves, not being rational, mind you, but not allowing Moses to dictate their every belief and value anymore.  This was intolerable.  So he gathers the sons of Levi and commands them  ”Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘Every man of you put his sword upon his thigh, and go back and forth from gate to gate in the camp, and kill every man his brother, and every man his friend, and every man his neighbor.’”   Of course, the sons of Levi obey and rush through the camp killing brothers, friends and neighbors; 3000 people in all. Well that ended the party, let me tell you!  The whole of this slaughter was for the simple and innocent sin of making a statue and paying homage to it, of marching to the beat of a different drum, of doing something “else”.  As you can see, the Bible’s not exactly into diversity… Or mercy.

But then Moses ensnares deep into his web all those who took part in the murders.   Then Moses said, “Dedicate yourselves today to the Lord–for every man has been against his son and against his brother–in order that He may bestow a blessing upon you today.”  This is the most fascinating and revealing line in the Bible so far.  Throw yourselves on the Lord Genocide so he will bless you for you have killed your kin in his name.  Those who have murdered now have no where else to go.  They have all committed atrocities on sons and brothers and neighbors and will never be fully welcomed back into their communities.  How could they be?  They may be the victors but they’ll be alone on their blood covered hill. They must stick together now, for apart they are outcasts.  This horrendous crime has tied them together more tightly that anything else Moses could have done.  This abomination forever bound the assassins to their leader, the bloody sheep to the bloody shepherd, the guilty to the guiltier.

Regarding the whole coup, it’s likely that a people who have been wandering the desert for months following a schizophrenic dick-head just may have been interested in a change of leadership.  It’s a fucking desert for a lack-of-Christ’s sake. After barely surviving the whims and caprice of a tyrannical and insane shitbag and his God.  After a constant flirtation with exhaustion, dehydration and starvation, people were likely ready to follow anyone who would lead them out of the desert.  Even a golden calf!  They were ready for a change, but Moses was not, and like tyrants after him Moses knew that enough spilled blood, especially the right blood, would silence the opposition for a long time.  So he set his most loyal followers to butchering their neighbors and friends, their sons and fathers all in the name of their God.  Their hands dripped with the life of their kin and now the only people who could look past the enormity of their crime was their fellow conspirators.

As I have said for months now, Moses as a cult leader knew how to keep his grip on power in the Hebrew nation. Kill the opposition and then claim God’s wants it that way.  Terror and death a well-used formula performed effectively throughout the ages but never surpassed. Moses is the undisputed master of tyrannical cult control.  He has no equal.

But he’s still a shitbag.  No equal for this either either. His actions reek of douchebaggery and nutless puttpluggery, and has set the stage for the thousands of pogroms to come against people of differing faiths.  He gave sacred credence to the slaughter of the dissidents.  The first religious civil war was over.  Diversity and variation lost.  Critical thinking and reason were soundly defeated.  The enforced religious monotheism created a rigid and linear thought structure.  Thou shall not deviate.  Being different is a capital offense.

We see the same thing today around the world.  People killing or oppressing others for the simple crime of not believing exactly as they do.  No matter how similar the belief systems, it’s so easy to find a single difference and point to it as critical.  I’m convinced that if the entire world was forced to be a single religion, Christian, Muslin or whatever, we’d soon be preaching against and oppressing others because they’re not Protestant.  Then because they’re not Baptist.  Then because they’re not Westboro Baptist.  Then because they don’t sit on the left side of the church.  Then…

The hierarchical state of humanity requires that we arrange ourselves into a pecking order and then try to claw our way to the top of that order both individually and as a group. Our status within these groups large or small, is what the evolutionary need to find mates has bred us for.   This selfishness and need to be seen as better than others is an integral part of being human.  This is the very essence of the worst of what it means to be us.  Created by a perfect God, my ass!

One of my problems with so many philosophical and religious arguments is that they make rules and guidelines for us based on what they want us to be, not how we really are.  Though many philosophies may be dangerously utopian and prone to collapse in real world situations, people seldom go out and butcher others for those beliefs.  Only when philosophies reach the point of religion, are people overtly willing to kill their fellows.  Following religion or making our current philosophy into a near religion makes terrible acts possible because then we think we are doing the right thing.  We think we are saving the world.  Murdering jackasses rarely think of themselves as such and even more seldom want to be seen in that light. Even murdering jackasses want to be heroes. From Stalin and Hitler to the cross-bearing destroyers of the Incas and Aztecs, from the slaughter and enslavement of Africans to the decimation of the Native Americans, from one religious war to any other religious war, the worst acts in our history have been committed by people who convinced themselves they were doing the right thing. They were convinced they were saving the world. And here in Exodus is the inception of that concept.  Moses really did lead the way.

When someone is willing to kill and oppress people to force them to believe in the One True Thing, there are few limits to what horrors they will inflict.

Adding God into the mix, removes even those.

2011
05/14
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The Golden Calf And Divine Schizophrenia

Adequate substitutes for God: a golden calf, a pigs head and scrapings from the cat box.

Ah!  After long and fruitless searches through the deserts of Exodus, we have come upon our promised land.  No, it’s not the promised land of the Hebrews for that is a few books further along, but it is our promised land, a chapter in the Bible that is actually interesting.  I know!  I know!  After that long list of temple building and other excrement, I, too, thought we’d never get here, but Exodus 33 is a real story with a plot and everything.  Oh, never fear, it’s still quite ridiculous with fantastically twisted logic and plot holes we could throw Aaron through.  But as any long time reader of this blog knows, these are the parts I most enjoy, parts we can point at and laugh, parts in which it defies common sense to believe, parts that require one to only pull their head out of their ass a little way before they come to a WTF moment.  Damn, are we going to have fun.

Now when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people assembled about Aaron and said to him, “Come, make us a god who will go before us; as for this Moses, the man who brought us up from the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.”  Aaron said to them, “Tear off the gold rings which are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.”  Then all the people tore off the gold rings which were in their ears and brought them to Aaron. He took this from their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool and made it into a molten calf; and they said, “This is your god, O Israel, who brought you up from the land of Egypt.”  Now when Aaron saw this, he built an altar before it; and Aaron made a proclamation and said, “Tomorrow shall be a feast to the Lord.”

Allow me to paraphrase. Moses has been on the mountain for forty days making up shit and learning how to chisel  stone tablets… um, I mean, of course, talking with God.  Meanwhile his people, bored without him ask Aaron to make them another God for as every one knows that when your first imaginary friend proves inept, just make another out of what ever you have lying around. Aaron takes everybody’s gold and fashions a calf out of it.  Everyone gives offerings and a great time ensues. Sound about right?  Most of us have heard this story before, myself included, but have never really thought about what this honestly means.

So let’s think about this now. The Hebrews have worshipped Yahweh since their release from Egypt.  Great miracles were supposedly preformed by his priests and terrible plagues were laid upon Egypt proving his magnificence as a deity, yet as soon as Moses is gone for a few days, they all turn rapidly to another god to lead them from here on.  Yeah… Yahweh was so powerful and magnificent that as soon as they are alone for a few minutes, the Hebrews manufacture a different God out a few baubles and proceed to merrily worship it?  Even more interesting is that they seem quite as convinced of the divinity of this hand-made statue as they were with “real” Yahweh. WTF!   By left testicle of Christ, they supposedly just saw Yahweh in all is smoky glory on the mountain.  How in the hell were they convinced of this new god’s authority so easily.  Could they really see so little difference between the real Yahweh and the false Calf?  Allow me to say that judges of character, they were not.

Well, there is one perfectly plausible answer here, so let me state this bluntly.  The only reasonable way to look at this is that Yahweh’s actual majesty was so pathetically inadequate that without Moses, the demagogue, around to browbeat his cult into obedience, God himself could be replaced without a problem…  by a fucking statue!  Really?  The great and mighty lord God can convincingly be usurped by a rough carving of a young goddamned cow in a few days?  You’d think that if he had actually been baddass enough and truly proved to all the people that he was The God with all those miracles, they would be reluctant to piss him off, but… not so much. Obviously, he never made much of an impression on the Hebrews, and his “miracles” were even paltrier than we had first imagined.  Moses’ God was and is all smoke and mirrors piled with bullshit.  What a wanker!

But now he’s pissed!  How dare a people worship some other wanker God in place of his superior wankerosity.  For this slight, God, the ever merciful, tells Moses that he will destroy the Hebrews for their sin.

 The Lord said to Moses, “I have seen this people, and behold, they are an obstinate people. ”Now then let Me alone, that My anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them; and I will make of you a great nation.”

If the Hebrews refuse to follow his every whim then he will annihilate them.  Yeah… Isn’t that how everyone raises their children?  Unfortunately, the old “Obey my every whim or you’re dead,” path to a righteous life is well trodden. But Moses doesn’t want the destruction of his people. Who in the hell is he going to push around if the Hebrews are no more?

 Then Moses entreated the Lord his God, and said, “O Lord, why does Your anger burn against Your people whom You have brought out from the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand? ”Why should the Egyptians speak, saying, ‘With evil intent He brought them out to kill them in the mountains and to destroy them from the face of the earth’? Turn from Your burning anger and change Your mind about doing harm to Your people. ”Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, Your servants to whom You swore by Yourself, and said to them, ‘I will multiply your descendants as the stars of the heavens, and all this land of which I have spoken I will give to your descendants, and they shall inherit it forever.’”  So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people.

God changed his mind… What?  God, all-seeing, all-knowing and perfect, flies off the handle and is going to kill everyone, but then Moses puts him through a little anger management therapy and God changes his mind. Changes his mind?  Will someone please tell me how perfection changes its mind?  Was he out of control?  Can perfection fly into a rage? Did he actually forget his promise to Abraham?  Did he make a mistake in judgement?  My paltry moral compass would indicate that flying into a rage and wanting to kill all the people you professed to love just a few weeks before is certainly a mistake in judgement, but Perfection doesn’t make mistakes.  That’s the definition of perfection — never ever ever making a mistake!  So how did Moses, a mere human, persuade his God, the perfect, not to act out the genocide he had set his mind to?  It’s a puzzle to be sure.

Obviously, I suspect, nay, insist that down deep Moses and his God are the same person, a sort of divine schizophrenia.  As with all religions, the voices Moses hears in his head are simply his own.  Moses’ God is an echo of Moses himself. But isn’t this the basis of all religion, an internal and wholly invisible voice telling us what we want to hear.

Not always, I understand.  But those two voices, the angelic and the devilish, we tend to imagine on opposite shoulders are really just that, imagined.  The voices we ascribe to conscience or God are really just echos of us, wisps of ourselves trying to find our way through the situations in life.  The voice of God that all Christians think of as thunderous and deafening is really just the quiet depths of our own little brain whispering its subconscious desires.  The “angel” whispers of desire to protect those we love and to conform to our society to fit in.  The “Devil” whispers to us of ways to get ahead of the crowd, to take what we may not have earned, to lie and cheat and steal.  This is the product of our evolution, a games theory approach to passing on our genes.  We strive to fit in and obey the mores of the group to succeed in mating and have offspring, but at the same time we are always on the lookout for the easy path, the quick fix, a cheat code to life. Now, cheating is inherently destructive to the group and only so much of it can be selected for, but evolution will never eliminate it entirely for it can be a very successful shortcut.

These “voices” are a normal part of being human and can lead to both good and bad, but when you consider them to be the voice of God greater evil can result.  When you ascribe to God the moral wrestlings of your own conscience, you open the door to horrors and atrocities.  Instead of looking on these internal conversations as the flawed workings of their own mind trying to find the best path in life, people can now view them as the divine wisdom of a perfect God. This allows the justification of nearly any action, any crime. A look at history will show what outrages we are capable with God in mind.  Our past is littered with barbarities committed by people who thought they carried the will of one god or another.

God said it.  It must be true.

Only God didn’t say anything.  We did.  The words we hear urging us into one course of action or the other isn’t God and the Devil pushing us into the role of saint or sinner. All the good and evil, all the virtue and vice, all the saintliness and bastardy that flow through our brain in the course of our life are not God or the Satan.

It’s us, all us.  We are angels and we are devils, divine and demonic.   We are large.  We contain multitudes. For good and ill, we are legion. It’s time we started accepting our schizophrenic nature for what it is and take responsibility for our actions.

Faith is not doubting that voice in your head.  Faith is mistaking that voice, that echo of yourself, for the perfect wisdom of a nonexistent being.  Reason is understanding that we contain no perfection, that every thought and desire we have is suspect.

Faith is the way backward.  Reason is the way forward. It’s time to choose.

2011
04/21
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Book Review — Bart Ehrman’s “Forged: Writing in the Name of God” by Wayne Robinson

Our own long time reader Wayne Robinson has written a great review of what sounds to be a great book.  I just love the sound of this, ”Forged:  Writing in the Name of God.”   Music to my jaded ears… not to mention it takes the heat off me a bit.  Truly this sounds like something I need to read.  As an aside, if Wayne writes like this why isn’t he writing more?  Enquiring minds want to know.  Here’s Wayne.

When I heard of Bart Ehrman’s latest book, I immediately bought the unabridged audiobook from Audible.com, and listened to it twice.  I enjoyed it so much that I then bought the Kindle version and also read it.  So, by my rating system, it’s a 5 star book.

That said, I admit that when I’m trying to decide whether to buy a book, I always look at the 1 star reviews first.  I always want to find out what other readers think is bad about a book rather than what they think is good.

What I like about Bart Ehrman’s books, some autobiographical detail and some repetition, other readers dislike.  The style of this book is similar to that of his previous ones, so if you like his earlier books, you’ll like this one.  If you disliked the earlier ones, then you won’t like this one.

It repeats a little from his previous books, but it’s largely complementary.

The theme of this book is lying in the aid of Truth.  Authors producing forgeries, falsification and fabrications, and Bart Ehrman provides plenty of examples of these, some of which managed to make their way into the bible.

Forgeries were written in defence against Christianity’s greatest enemies, which were other varieties of Christianity.   As soon as it started to spread into the polytheistic pagan populations of the Roman empire, it started to splinter.  One god, two gods, 30 gods, 365 gods.  Jesus human and divine, Jesus purely spiritual and just a phantasm like Caspar the friendly ghost, Jesus human but inhabited by a spirit which entered at baptism and left just before death on the cross.

The Peoples’/Popular Front of Judea had nothing on the early Christians.

There were many, each requiring their scripture, and each piece of scripture requiring authority.  So authors wrote their scripture, reflecting whatever theology they professed and claimed falsely authorship by someone who’d know, one of the disciples, a companion of an apostle, Jesus’ mother, Mary Magdalene …

Nowadays, authority isn’t so important.  There are many sources of information to crosscheck any story.  Back then, sources weren’t easily found (even the Internet didn’t exist, amazing though that might seem …)  However, theists still think authority is important.  When Anthony Flew went senescent and announced a conversion from atheism to a form of weak deism, believers got excited, thinking that that should cause all atheists to convert to Christianity.

Of the books that made it into the bible,  the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), Acts and Revelations strictly speaking aren’t forgeries.  They were written anonymously.  Who the authors were was probably known to the members of their communities.  But once they were accepted as dogma, they had to be given authority, so authorship was guessed, it was falsified.  And that doesn’t even include the later falsifications in Mark (adding an ending) and John (everyone’s favourite story which included the bit about let he who is without sin throw the first stone …)

Of the letters said to have been written by Paul, 6 are forgeries.  All the letters said to have been written by Peter, James, John and Jude are also forgeries.  And the forgeries were written in answer to other forgeries.  For example, Peter’s letters (Peter, being an illiterate fisherman, could not have written a letter in Greek) were written in response to the Pauline forged Ephesian letter.

The highlight of the book I thought was the Pilate letters and the Pilate gospel.  I’ve always thought that there should be some contemporary Roman record of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. After-all, earthquakes, a solar eclipse and a plague of zombies (as reported in Matthew) would be difficult to overlook.

The obvious forged interposition in Josephus (who was born after the death of Jesus) proffered by apologists never seemed to convince.

To my delight, Christians in the 4th century ‘found’ documents ‘proving’ the truth of the miracles and resurrection of Jesus.

Firstly, Pontius Pilate wrote two letters to the emperor.  In the first, he was evidently confused by the astounding events and addressed the letter to the Emperor Claudius, forgetting that Claudius didn’t become emperor for another 10 years, Caligula was the next emperor and that Pilate was going to be dead by the time Claudius was emperor.

In his second letter, he corrected his mistake and reported to Emperor Tiberius the miracles Jesus performed during his life (curing lepers, making the blind see, raising the dead to life etc), the fact that contrary to his gentle and merciful governship he’d been forced by the perfidious Jews (and it was all their fault) to have Jesus executed.

Obviously, the Emperor Tiberius was concerned at Pilate’s report (the realisation of the true cause of the earthquakes and solar darkness experienced even in Rome was distressing) and had Pontius Pilate arrested and bought to Rome, where (to cut a long story short) he was eventually put on trial and condemned to death.  Interestingly, during his trial, even the uttering of the word ‘Christ’ in the Senate was enough to cause all the 500 statues of the gods to disintegrate to dust showing Jesus’ power.

Before his execution Pilate prayed to God, and Jesus spoke to him promising him that he’d accompany Jesus at the Second Coming.  When Pilate was beheaded, an angel swept down and plucked up his head presumably to take it to heaven.

And then Pontius Pilate got up, went back to Jerusalem and governed in the same bloodthirsty manner for another 5 or so years.

2011
04/09
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Butchery On The Sabbath or God’s Mercy Shines Through Again.

Yep! This about sums it up.

Originally, I was going to skip right over this section and cuddle up to the Golden Calf story. You have no idea how I have looked forward to that chapter, any other goddamned chapter, in fact. Fictitious or not, I’d have characters and events to write about rather than bullshit temple construction plans and priest consecration. Ugh! But then I read Exodus 31/12 and fell in love with its merciless incongruity. It sums up so many of the inconsistencies so much better than all the other dreck that I feel we can’t just pass it by without even a look. It’s like one of those campy pieces of Americana that still litter the landscape of North America such as the world biggest ball of twine or the largest working toilet west of the Mississippi. Who the hell could resist stopping if only to claim some bragging rights later. How can someone not go out of their way to see a huge working toilet? C’mon people!  Large! Working! Toilet!

That in mind, let’s look at this toile… um…. I mean, rules and regulations regarding keeping the Sabbath.  Yeah.  That’s it.

“But as for you, speak to the sons of Israel, saying, ‘You shall surely observe My sabbaths; for this is a sign between Me and you throughout your generations, that you may know that I am the Lord who sanctifies you.
‘Therefore you are to observe the sabbath, for it is holy to you. Everyone who profanes it shall surely be put to death; for whoever does any work on it, that person shall be cut off from among his people.
‘For six days work may be done, but on the seventh day there is a sabbath of complete rest, holy to the Lord; whoever does any work on the sabbath day shall surely be put to death. ‘So the sons of Israel shall observe the sabbath, to celebrate the sabbath throughout their generations as a perpetual covenant.“It is a sign between Me and the sons of Israel forever; for in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, but on the seventh day He ceased from labor, and was refreshed.”

Killed for working on Sunday! Wow!  Ain’t God a bastard? Holy shit people, that’s positively baddass. No labor protections back then.  No mercy.  Just sudden and swift “justice”. What I find odd is the same people who hold to a strict Biblical prohibition of a gay lifestyle never bat an eye about going out to eat on the Sabbath. I sure don’t see many people pushing for this particular literal view of the Sabbath any more, and dammit, I wonder why? It’s Biblical after all. God said it. Was he just kidding here? In fact the condemnation of Sabbath violations is more even firmly stated so why do all those people raging about the immorality of homosexuality based on Exodus simply gloss right over this one? Why aren’t the Westboro Baptists screaming about God killing clerks manning the Seven-Eleven cash registers on those Sunday shifts? Why aren’t religious fanatics stoning all those waitresses and waiters shoveling food into our fat little mouths at Perkin’s Sunday Brunch? Why in the name of all that is holy between Yahweh’s butt cheeks, are they not screaming about God’s retribution for all those people violating the Sabbath by driving taxis, flying airplanes, and making electricity? It obvious that all those poor working bastards who are trying to feed their families by puling extra shifts are offending God, so why aren’t we killing them?  Don’t they deserve it, Biblically?

If someone wants to subscribe to a literalist point of view and use the Old Testament to support shit-assed crazy theory of morality, why don’t they use all of it? Why do they get to pick and choose what they want to follow? Any guesses? Oh, I know that the “real” Christian will have a long list of other Bible verses that if taken in the proper order and with just the right amount of weight and with one eye closed, will mitigate the concept as much as they need to get on with their lives, but that’s not the real reason, people.

This is an easy one. Why don’t people choose to follow rules, however obviously stated, that go against everything they already do?  Because they don’t want to! That would require them to actually change their behavior instead of merely finding justification for what they do, and who in the hell wants to do that. Change is hard.  Justification is easy. Christians choose not to follow the Sabbath because it would gain them nothing and cost them a great deal in terms of money and fun. To the vast number or theistic capitalists, what good would a day be if you are forbidden to make money? To all the rest of Christendom, what good is a day of rest when you are forbidden to do anything truly fun?

The truth is that observing the Sabbath as the Old Testament demands is just too hard and unprofitable. This is the essence of religious power. If what you preach can bring you greater power, influence or comfort then find some kind of Biblical justification. Trust me, there are oodles of rationale for nearly any action you choose. Want to condemn a neighbor for witchcraft and buy up his or her land? It’s in there. Want to annihilate native peoples and just take their country as your own? Yeah,it’s in there. Want to condemn a vast group of people whose only crime is to be aroused by genitalia similar to their own? Oh baby, the Bible has it. That fucker’s a regular Walmart Supercenter!  It has everything you’ll ever need to accomplish your goal.  Seek and ye shall find.

On the other hand, you’re not required to buy everything at Wally World.  If what the Bible actually says interferes with your life, just ignore it.

After all, everyone else does.

The Bible: Noun. (1) An ancient tome written by bronze-age sheep-herders in search of answers in a world without science. (2) A book used by Christianity to justify its superiority over all the other superstitions that are as senseless as their own. (3) An unholy and ancient mess of a book, primarily used today to support, indiscriminately, whatever actions are taken by a concerned individual and condemn those of his or her enemies, also indiscriminately. (4) An ancient work of fiction whose primary historical function has been to create a path of destruction through the ages while giving its holders a desire for more.

Now that’s versatility.

2011
04/01
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Consecration Of Priests Or Why The Bible Didn’t Invent Soap.

If this doesn't reek of ironic truth, I don't know what does.

AAARRRRGGGGGG!!!!!! @#^$Q$%&#%!!!

Goddamn it people, there are times I really question my intelligence. Do you have any idea how many times I have started on this post? Four! This is my fourth pathetic attempt to bring some degree of sense to the end of Exodus. The others, needless to say, were less than inspiring. Dross would be a polite word to describe them; shit would be more accurate if less socially acceptable. In general, I prefer accuracy to social conventions so shit they were. This is it! Last Chance! One more failed attempt and I’m taking my Bible out back and burying the goddamned thing in the backyard.

Sigh! Writing is always unpredictable. Sometimes what you are writing is golden. Words come easily and fine. Sentences gush forth and perfect images form on each page. Writing, at those time, is effortless. Let me tell you that is a beautiful feeling, a feeling every writer loves to have. But then… then… sometimes I do everything I can: scream, bang my head, type, delete, retype, concentrate until a stroke seems imminent and what the hell do I get as a result? A herculean exertion and on the page is some foul and rancid literary vomit, disgusting tripe. Is this really what the interior of my mind looks like, a slowly congealing mass of uninspired and limp mediocrity? I’m pretty sure that If I were intelligently designed, my brain’s output wouldn’t resemble the chunks off the bottom of the Cat box. Jesus Christ, now in cracker form, it wearies me. What I need is an upgrade, Bundy 2.0 had better come soon, or I’m doomed. This first adopter prototype mind I have several serious bugs.

Truth be told, I think the problem lies with the ungodly, pardon the pun, level of detail in Exodus. There’s no story, no people, nothing of interest what-so-ever. Let me tell you the majority of this bitch is one vast and complicated formula to please God and you all know how fascinating I find that. Put this bauble there, this robe like that, cut the bull’s throat, spray its blood here, here and, of course, here. It’s like some ancient form of Super Mario Brothers. You jump three times, hit a block with your head and leap on top of a huge green pot while pressing down and you’re transported to a magical world where princesses need rescuing from dangerous walking mushrooms. It’s just like that only without the fun… or the action… or the princess. Well… actually it’s nothing like that, but I just couldn’t think of another analogy that even came close. If you think you can do one better knock yourself out.

My point remains valid. This part of Exodus is all Moses on the mountain getting instructions from God on how to please God. And we all know the only thing God likes more than being pleased is being displeased and knocking shit down. This is Yahweh’s own self masturbatory ejaculation. As background, we should remind you that Moses is up there for a long time, 40 days to be precise. He has supposedly received the ten Commandments and other rules in this time and is now getting the lowdown on making the people God’s bitches. He has instructions for building the temple, ark, altar and lampstand and is now taking down all the things that God wants his priests to do to make God happy.

But when the temple is built and the Ark and altars and lampstands are in place, what could be left for the glorification of the Lord? What the hell else could God possibly want? What indeed, but the consecration of his priests. Holy shit people, (which I guess would be the point!) God can’t have unholy shitbags, AKA ordinary people, touching his altars? Do you even know what they wiped with back then? Charmin, it wasn’t. They live in a desert, for a lack of Christ’s sake! Even leaves were in short supply, so who the hell knows where those dirty bastards have been. Well, God would know and that’s why he gave them the formula for soap.

Naw, I’m just shitting you. Of course God didn’t give us soap. Soap would have had a function not to mention a real benefit for humanity, and as everyone knows that actual ideas for workable inventions appear to be forbidden in this midden heap of literature. No, God only allows the dreck of vague arcana and mystical voodoo to pervade his most sacred tome. All that practical stuff like atomic structure and the Germ Theory of Disease were left out, strictly unnecessary. And of course, soap. What possible good would those have done us? As a people struggling our way through ignorance and death… Death by disease… Because we weren’t clean enough… Yeah, useless!

Oh? Do I sound bitter? I’ll tell you what, you slog through the effort of trying to shovel through the gory details of bull sacrifice and the bloody anointing of priests four separate times desperately searching for threads to tie it all together. I feel like I’ve had my head up my ass for weeks now… No! Actually I feel like I’ve had my head up Moses’ ass for weeks now. Moses… A guy who had never used soap. You try it and we’ll see just how bitter you get.

Ok, no soap. Making his priests worthy of touching him (let’s not go there) involved a dark and mysterious purification process to sanctify them. The rites are dark for they deal with sacrifice and blood splattered everywhere. They’re mysterious because, well frankly, who the hell could possibly figure out why spraying blood here or there has any effect on anything, but especially how does it help in making people more alluring. Think about this. What kind of jackass god would think that this butchery somehow makes people cleaner and more appealing? Doesn’t every civilized god — an oxymoron, I know — love their followers even more when the reek of the slaughter house hangs over them? I’m sure it sure gives Yahweh a chubby, but why would this be so? Do you really find your friends more trustworthy if they’re dripping in blood? Do you find your sexual partner hotter when they look as if they have come from butchering an ox? Well, I don’t, but maybe that might be someone’s kink but in a God we worship? What does this say about him?

These few chapters could best be described as a bunch of shit so we’ll dip into this section gingerly and briefly. There is simply too much nonsense here to linger for long , and I don’t want to become any more bogged down here than I already have. Take my word on it. Moses’ ass is not a place you want to spend much time. Trust me! But something of the flavor needs to be tasted, pardon the expression, so here are a few lines of Exodus 29 just some of the many involved in this purification ritual.

“Now this is what you shall do to them to consecrate them to minister as priests to Me: take one young bull and two rams without blemish, and unleavened bread and unleavened cakes mixed with oil, and unleavened wafers spread with oil; you shall make them of fine wheat flour. “You shall put them in one basket, and present them in the basket along with the bull and the two rams. “Then you shall bring Aaron and his sons to the doorway of the tent of meeting and wash them with water. “You shall take the garments, and put on Aaron the tunic and the robe of the ephod and the ephod and the breastpiece, and gird him with the skillfully woven band of the ephod; and you shall set the turban on his head and put the holy crown on the turban. “Then you shall take the anointing oil and pour it on his head and anoint him. “You shall bring his sons and put tunics on them. “You shall gird them with sashes, Aaron and his sons, and bind caps on them, and they shall have the priesthood by a perpetual statute. So you shall ordain Aaron and his sons.

“Then you shall bring the bull before the tent of meeting, and Aaron and his sons shall lay their hands on the head of the bull. “You shall slaughter the bull before the Lord at the doorway of the tent of meeting. “You shall take some of the blood of the bull and put it on the horns of the altar with your finger; and you shall pour out all the blood at the base of the altar. “You shall take all the fat that covers the entrails and the lobe of the liver, and the two kidneys and the fat that is on them, and offer them up in smoke on the altar.”

And skipping ahead a bit get this

“But the flesh of the bull and its hide and its refuse, you shall burn with fire outside the camp; it is a sin offering. You shall also take the one ram, and Aaron and his sons shall lay their hands on the head of the ram; and you shall slaughter the ram and shall take its blood and sprinkle it around on the altar. “Then you shall cut the ram into its pieces, and wash its entrails and its legs, and put them with its pieces and its head. “You shall offer up in smoke the whole ram on the altar; it is a burnt offering to the Lord: it is a soothing aroma, an offering by fire to the Lord. “Then you shall take the other ram, and Aaron and his sons shall lay their hands on the head of the ram. “You shall slaughter the ram, and take some of its blood and put it on the lobe of Aaron’s right ear and on the lobes of his sons’ right ears and on the thumbs of their right hands and on the big toes of their right feet, and sprinkle the rest of the blood around on the altar. “Then you shall take some of the blood that is on the altar and some of the anointing oil, and sprinkle it on Aaron and on his garments and on his sons and on his sons’ garments with him; so he and his garments shall be consecrated, as well as his sons and his sons’ garments with him.

Yeah, that’s what every God wants, right? Blood on the ear and the big toe. Yeah, I’m sure he’ll get really hot and bothered over that. Anyway, sorry for the long quote, but mind you as tedious as it is, this is but a small part of the entire ritual. There are more sacrifices, food for the priests, sin offerings, wave offerings, incense and altars for incense, anointing oils, and at last, the exact skilled craftsmen God wants to build and manufacture all his stuff. Whew!

Let’s just skip the rest and deal with the big question. What does all this remind you of? I mean really think about it for a minute. What does all this highly ritualized rubbish most resemble? It’s magic, of course! Every line of Exodus 25 – 31 is part of a complicated magical spell to appease the gods or in this case God. In fact, the whole temple and its furnishings sections belong to the same basic concept. Magic. Magic. Magic. As much as the Christians constantly harp on the occultism in today’s society from Harry Potter to Wicca, can they really say this is any different? This is an ancient ritual to get the forces of nature on our side using the mystical power of blood and fire and bizarre actions. There can be no other way of looking at this.

Let’s do an experiment. Let us take these chapters of Exodus and change nothing but God’s name. In fact let’s replace it with the name of Allah. Then let’s approach people and read our slightly altered version verbatim while claiming it was from the Koran. Tell me how many Christians would hold it up as evidence that Islam is evil and the religion of barbarians? How many believers in Christ would denounce Islam as a sect of blood and violence using our “Exodus” as evidence. Just imagine the looks of fury and disgust on their faces as they are told the insane demands of our Allah. Damn, I think I’m on to something! Maybe we should start it as one of those emails that makes the rounds where people are horrified at what is being taught in the name of Islam, the kind of email my mother used to send me.

After all the horrified responses, we could point out that it really is the Bible. Oh, just imagine the look on their faces then. Priceless! We gotta try that. All right, people, this is your homework assignment for BABS university next week. Your grade depends on it. I want a full report.

The reality here is that the world needs to face the fact that these are the same activities and beliefs as magic. They are just aimed at a different imaginary power. The Hebrews were appeasing the powers that they couldn’t understand yet affected their lives. As are the Wiccans. The difference here is that the modern Wiccans should know better… as should modern Christians. The time for magically controlling the universe is over. Is superstition in itself evil? No. Occultism isn’t any more evil than having an imaginary friend. It’s just something that we should have outgrown by now. So the question we need to ask our Fundamentalist brothers and sisters is why is Wicca superstitious nonsense while this mumbo jumbo from Exodus is simply logical relations with a divine being? There is no good answer to that.

Keeping in mind my earlier theory of Moses being a cult leader, another thing to remember is that Moses goes up to the mountain for 40 days, plenty of time to make up some quasi-magical horse manure. He had nearly six weeks to churn out some mystical rites along with a few of the practical rules we studied before. Did a perfect God really take that long to impart his sacred ideas into Moses bony skull, or did Moses use this time to invent a more complicated version of his religion to consolidate control over his people? Look at this closely and you can’t fail to come to the realization that this severely limits access to the sacred to just a few top people, top people who are to be treated like kings. First, only the top men could approach the mountain and now only a very select few will ever be allow to “interact” with God. The priest-kings are established. The shackles are set.

Can you see how convenient this is from a cult point of view? The apparatus for lasting control is in place, and Moses has the people just where he needs them, he and his cronies on top with all the power because God will only talk to them and everyone else at the bottom desperately eager to please the forces they cannot fathom.

But we now know that such rubbish changes nothing of the world. We now know better.

Or we should!

2011
03/27
CATEGORY
Atheism
Bible study
Exodus
Myth
Religion
Young Earth Creationism
17 comments

The Battle Yet Rages

For those of you interested, Daz has taken up the mantle of fighting the scientific infidel at his own site.  He and Mr. Hubbo have started a regular series of conversations on the existence of God.  Now, I know many here got pretty sick of that fight, but I salute Daz for taking this on.  It is a battle that should be fought, and thus far they have been excellent to read and well-reasoned in approach.   I have also enjoyed the more orderly arrangement.  Admittedly, we tend to get a little chaotic here with the  intertwining comments and replies, and the argument can get hard to follow.  In truth, Daz’s is a better method for this debate and I urge you to go there.  He has the power to arrange the arguments in a logical order and hit the high points one by one.

It’s difficult to comment on his site so I open this post up to comments you may want to make, but I also recommend dropping Daz a note to let him know what you think.  He’s doing a great job and needs to be commended.  En garde, Mr. Hubbo.  You’re in for a drubbing.

Damn.  And then I forget to link to it.  What an idiot I am.  Go here.

2011
03/27
CATEGORY
Atheism
Religion
Young Earth Creationism
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7 comments

Email From the Edge.

I wonder how much they are asking?

I get email.  Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone does so there’s nothing usual in that, but every so often, my email gets well… interesting. Yeah, interesting, that’s the word.  Most times, it’s from people who agree whole heartedly with what I have to say. Sometimes, it’s someone who disagrees even more passionately, and then every now and then I’m not really sure what the writer believes but the mere fact that he “believes” comes through strongly, and his creative use of ALLCAPS, incoherent platitudes and white space usually offers something amusing. But every so often it’s completely different. Is this one of those different ones? Well… I’ll let you judge. This letter was in my inbox last weekend. I left the document completely unedited save for leaving out the last name.

Name: Lee *********

hey! im a 16 year old guy trying to figure out the meaning of life….i really just want to make my own life and have no one else control it….i used to be super SUPER relgious and now im still having probelms with it….i cant find any error in the Bible i do know alot about it and every contradiction out of the some 500 in there has an intepration that makes total sense

i want to be an atheist because i want control of my own life…all my desires and my own brain

ive been a conservative CHristian up to this point but now i just dont know

i tried looking into evolution but there is so many wholes as there is in everything else

im starting not to care about religious boundaries anymore i really just want to be a humanist and live the life that makes me happy

problem is that good ole Bible nothing has been proven wrong in it(from my opinion)

i dream of a life like yours

please give some advice if you dont mind

sorry i dont type correctly haha but i would love a free thinkers insight

i just dont want to live for nothing

Hmm.  I read it and alarms began to blare through my head. Part of me, a large part, screamed that this must be a set up. People, particularly Christians on the edge losing their faith, simply don’t think like this. And if I’m wrong and some actually do, I’d bet much that they don’t talk like this. What this echoes most strongly is the Fundamentalist viewpoint of why people become atheists.  This isn’t some boy on the verge of reason.  It’s an Evangelical interpretation of what they think that someone who throws away their faith must go through.

Allow me to paraphrase what the cynic in me is hearing.  ”I want to have the life of a freethinker, to decide what’s right or wrong on my own, to be a selfish master of my own fate, Alas, the Bible just keeps proving accurate no matter how many times I have tried to prove it otherwise. In the face of all this evidence proving Christianity true, what’s a budding freethinker to do?”

I feel this is an accurate interpretation of what’s happening here. In fact, I’d bet on it, but if I close my eyes and assume it’s true — a feat I am becoming quite adept at with this study — what should I tell 16 year-old Lee? What insight does one free thinker have to offer another budding but likely fictional freethinker?

First, read what we have written so far. I have tried to do my best to point out the Biblical absurdities and the commenters here have been amazing at pointing out all that I have missed. As a team, we have nailed the Christian God thoroughly and will continue to do so for many years to come.  I didn’t realized what entertainment value the Bible had.

Second, Lee, comes the natural counter to this idea “i cant find any error in the Bible i do know alot about it and every contradiction out of the some 500 in there has an intepration that makes total sense.” This glossing over the vast number of idiosyncrasies is done using several techniques.  The first is usually placed under the concept of hermeneutics. Thank you to Mr. Hubbo for introducing that word into my vocabulary.  I knew the definition long before I knew what it was called.  Hermeneutics is a concept I have argued against in these posts and in running battles in the comments, and I will continue to fight as my last breath leaves my body.  Hopefully not soon with some Christian pitchfork stuck through my chest as they’re burning down my house.  What?  You people don’t wake up in the dead of night screaming about horses of cross bearing psychopaths roaming the streets?   Um… Yeah, me neither…

Anyway, let’s do with some definitions first. Hermeneutics, in regard to Biblical interpretation, is taking the Bible as a whole and not as a collection of parts. On the surface, this sounds like a fine idea, and overall, I would support viewing any human document hermeneutically, but when it comes to how the Biblical literalist uses it, I must make an exception. Their work in this area is simple apologetics, a defending of a position already taken using whatever sleight of hand one can use. When a literalist finds a contradiction or anything that makes them feel uncomfortable such as God slaughtering thousands of Egyptian children or destroying a civilization for becoming too great and threatening his own power, he or she only needs to pick through that vast repository of phrases to find one that tempers it or counters it or allows them to ignore it completely.  Bingo!  Contradiction alleviated.

This is what allows the fundamentalist to condemn homosexuality with vigor but ignore many of the other verses in the same chapter. You just get to pick and choose what you want to hear and ignore the rest.  For example, “He who lies with an animal shall surely be put to death,” is followed soon after by “If you lend money to my people, the poor among you, you are not to act as a creditor to him; you are not to charge him interest.”   How come we never hear about that anymore. It was big in the middle ages but not now. With all the raging homophobes screaming from every pulpit about the dangers of homosexuality, someone has to explain to me why aren’t banks being burnt to the ground. We have Christians lending money at interest all the time.  But of course, this lack of economic freedom would go against what we want to believe so we just ignore it.  Homosexuality outlawed.  Banking good.  See how easy that was?

This same verse condemning gays is preceded by this little gem. “If a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod and he dies at his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, he survives a day or two, no vengeance shall be taken for he is his property.” Beating slaves to death is fine as long as you don’t do it too quickly.  Yeah… Now this one was big prior to the civil war but isn’t used much today. Why?  Is morality relative?  These are just two of thousands of instances of God either being a bastard or out right contradicting his own teachings.

The reason that an advanced use of hermeneutics is so useful in plastering over the vast gaps in sheer Biblical decency is that it allows anyone to pick and choose the parts that they want to follow and ignore that parts they would rather forget. If you start with the firm conviction that God is perfect and the Bible is inerrant combined with your own preconceived notions, it is a simple matter to come up with an interpretation to suit what you already “know” is true.  You don’t change yourself as much as you change the Bible to suit you.  In the brilliant words of George Bernard Shaw,  ”No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.”  (Thank you to Daz for that.)

Hermeneutics is often accompanied by the whole “That was the old covenant. Jesus sacrifice brought a new covenant to us.” So God changed the covenant from a harsher on to a nicer one? Why? Did the perfect God make a mistake with all the evil he did with the first one? And if so why do we still pick and choose only the parts of the Old Testament that we want to follow and not the whole thing? Who chooses those parts? Why do we swear by one verse and ignore the whole next page?

These two Biblical polishing techniques are then followed with the only available option to Christians when confronted with the idea of a wicked God: they make excuses for him. He killed all the children of Sodom and Gomorrah and Egypt because the parents were evil (evil here simply means not following God’s arbitrary commands) and therefore the children would be evil.  This has been pointed out on more that one occasion that this is why God punishes to the third and fourth generation.  God punishes children for the sins of their parents.  But ask yourself Lee, if we followed the same technique and butchered the children of our enemies on purpose, would we be doing the right thing or the wrong? If we purposefully tortured and killed children in our wars and conflicts would we be honorable or despicable?  WWJD?  Isn’t this the ideal Christians strive for?  But alter it slightly and make it “What would Jehovah do?”    Should we be butchering the Iraqi children as we speak?  Should we take the babies of criminals and butcher them on the court house steps all in the name of justice?  No?  Are we not following his example?  Why can God do anything he wants and name it good simply because he’s the one who did it?  Might doesn’t make right, yet here he is committing genocide and his apologists smile and tell me about perfect justice and perfect love and how those flawless concepts necessitate genocide.  Perfect justice involving the slaughter of innocents?  Perfect love?  Perfect bullshit!

And ask yourself this, Lee, if the Bible is so consistent, why are there so many different interpretations of it. Why are there so many Protestant sects in the United States and around the world — 30,000 by one estimate — that have a radically different outlook on what that book really says? Why has the interpretation of this book changed dramatically through history? Every sect whether present or historic uses a different approach to hermeneutics to get that book to say what ever they want it to say. Then they claim to be one of the few groups of people on the planet who really knows the truth and then often try to convince all the other people of the validity of their claim…  Usually at the point of a sword,   This infallible book has been the inspiration for the crusades, the inquisition, the conquest of other lands and vast religious wars that have left entire regions decimated. The Bible was used extensively to justify both sides of the American civil war or for that matter, most any civil wars. How can so many people get so many different meanings out of a single book that is supposedly perfect?  And why do those meanings usually reflect what the people really want to do anyway?

Think about it Lee. It’s because of those very contradictions. It’s because of those flaws.  Those terrible differences in tone and decency have given people all the tools they need to give divine justification to whatever the hell they desire. Even a brief but honest reading of history of the western world demonstrates the truth of these statements.  The cross has been at the forefront of atrocity after atrocity.  God strides hand in hand with every tyrant for every despicable and depraved act. Virtually every call to war, genocide and massacre that the western world has been responsible for has held the cross high and asked for their God’s blessing while crushing any resistance underfoot.

So, Lee, I ask you to do one thing. Read the Bible, but not as they, the preachers and bishops ask you to. Don’t be praying for “God’s” guidance while you read.  Don’t make excuses for the evil contained there in.  Read it with an open mind.  Or even better, read it how you would read the Koran, that is looking for the brutality and evil.  Read it how you would read the nonsense in the book of Mormon.  Then ask yourself if the behavior exhibited by your God  is rational and decent. Ask yourself that if any human ruler emulated this behavior and actions that you would think as highly of him as of your God.  Or would we be going to war just to stop him?

Then ask yourself this, Lee: what evidence is there for a God aside from the Bible, a book that shows it’s inadequacies with every page?

And Lee?  We don’t live for nothing.  We live for what we choose: our wives, our children, our friends and our life.  Life is too beautiful to be wasted following what someone else says is God’s will.  Free thinkers think! First! Foremost! Primarily!

2011
03/11
CATEGORY
Atheism
Bible study
Myth
Religion
Thoughts
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31 comments

The Sendai Earthquake and the Yokohamamama

As many of you are likely aware of by now a huge earthquake has struck Japan.  Without a doubt, this is a disaster of massive proportions and the loss of human life will be considerable.  It breaks my heart just to think of the suffering, but  this would all be of more general human sympathy and interest except for the Amy, the Yokohamamama.  Amy has been a long time contributor and commenter here offering us insight and a glimpse of Japanese culture.  She has been one of my favorite online friends for a while now, her blog has been a regular stop for me.  I have long admired her wit and intelligence.

This morning she is alone in San Diego unable to get a flight back to her family in Yokohama due to the quake.  She has spent a wearied and worried night wondering if they were OK, unable to get a call through.  The good news is that they are fine and she has talked to her husband and children. Rather than blather on, I’ll just refer you to her site here.  She has been posting updates regularly.

Amy is a great person and I wish I were closer to San Diego so we could offer some help.  The bad thing about being an atheist is that we are well aware of how helpless we really are in these circumstances.  Knowing prayer for what it is, we have given up even the illusion of being able to change reality.  We just have to sit and take what it dishes out and comfort each other the best we can.  In this light, I offer what comfort I can to Amy and her family.  I also weep from the suffering of those affected, those who have lost homes and, especially,  those that have lost loved ones.  I fear there will be many.

I wish we were able to do something.

2011
03/11
CATEGORY
Thoughts
TAGS

6 comments

Heaven and Hell, A Delicious Irony

In the light of several serious and fruitless discussions here, I will let you all in on a funny.  For the last several weeks, our secular group, The Northern Prairie Secular Society, has been meeting at a local coffee shop.  We love to sit around  sipping coffee and having great skeptical conversation. Unfortunately, the choice of coffee shops in Bismarck is limited on a Sunday morning.  Many shops simply aren’t open and others just don’t have the seating to have all of us in one area, but we found an acceptable choice downtown.  This coffee shop has a small but adjustable seating area in the main room, but also has access to a conference room in the basement.  For the first few meetings and to the horror of everyone, we just arranged the tables upstairs and  had our sinister atheistic conversations right there in public.  This worked well.  Life was good.

But we decided to try a few other possibilities and for a few weeks we stayed away.  When we arrived back at the end of January, we discovered that an evangelical church had asked the coffee shop if they could have full religious services in their main room on Sundays.   For what I imagine were business reasons, the shop agreed.  So on this fateful day last month, we entered the shop/church in understandable confusion and realized we have been supplanted.  Here was a small but complete evangelical worship service raging out of control in the coffee shop complete with the laying on of hands.  The shop owners graciously allowed us the conference room for our discussions and we descended into the basement and have been there every Sunday.

Ah but the irony of the affair kills me.  Picture the scene.  Godly Christians worship joyously in the well-lit and airy upstairs while the dirty atheists slink to the dark basement to have their godless mutterings.  There such a heaven and hell element to the whole affair that I find irresistible, and I’ll be damned if I don’t chuckle every time I think of it.  We have to walk right into the midst of their service to get our coffee and stand there while it’s being made, music blaring, sermons preaching.  I try not to smile: I really do, but thus far, I am unable to resist.  I want to put up a sign indicating where both the Christians and atheists should go — up and down, Heaven and Hell, respectively, complete with halos and fiery illustrations.  I wonder if they’d see the humor in it.

In truth, the conference room works well for us.  It fully adaptable and private yet large enough to fit our growing needs, but to sit there while the hymns carry down from above is the best reason to keep coming.  The complete dichotomy of the two events in such close proximity thrills me.   The irony is scrumptious, so tell me, how could I not love it?  I feel we’re the antidote to the superstition happening above.  Up here’s what you may want to believe, but down here’s what reality really consists of.

So if any of you are ever in Bismarck on a Sunday morning, stop in.  For saint of sinner, we have it all.

The sinners are downstairs.

P.S.  I actually know the pastor and worked for him on a commercial six months ago.  Nice guy, but I’m sure he now thinks I’m the devil.

P.P.S. Here the ads are.  1. 2. and 3. I had no idea they were online.  They’re for a universal access voting service our state provides.

P.P.P.S.  I’m the fat guy.

2011
03/04
CATEGORY
Atheism
Myth
Religion
Thoughts
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19 comments

I Live Among Stars

I know this post has nothing to do with atheism or Biblical criticism, and I apologize for that, but I just had to show you this.  As many of you may know, my son was bitten by the theater bug when he was seven and has never looked back.  Recently, I took a try myself and loved it, but my dear wife has never had any interest in the stage, no, no absolutely not!  Well recently, auditions a mixed age musical came up, a humorous look at the tale of Little Red Riding Hood and the real story of her relationship with the Wolf.  We went.

Initially, my son was reluctant to audition because it was a musical.  Prodding and bribing him, I finally got him to agree to at least try.  At this point, we still thought this was just a play by children without adult actors, but when we arrived the director asked if we were trying out also.  This threw us into confusion.  With previous commitments, I couldn’t, but my wife said she’d like to be stage manager, the person who manages the backstage activities.  She’d done this before and is good at it, and as it involves no onstage time was unthreatening The director, with a cunning look in her eye, tells my bride that would be great, but the stage manager in this play has a couple of onstage lines, just a couple.  She then, somehow, with great degrees of oozing charm and beguiling salesmanship managed to talk my wife into taking the part.  Wow, I thought.  Were I nearly so convincing, I could go places.

Well… a couple of lines turned out to be about 25… with eight different entrances and a lot of yelling.  My son and I jokingly told her the part appears written with her in mind.  Regardless of our prodding, she stuck with it, and my wife, quite against her will, has become an actress.  Get this — she likes it.  They have now performed it seven times in front of enthusiastic second graders and she plays such a meany that they have actually booed her from the stage.

I went to it for the first time today and loved it.  Remarkably enough, the local news covered the event and here is their coverage.  My son is the singing skunk and my wife is the yelling manager… I would now offer a quip about what that says of my home life, but I think it would be best to leave it alone.

Who needs heaven when there are such wonderful things here?

2011
02/25
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